It would seem, at least by some standards, that I am failing at life. I don't particularly feel depressed about this since I don't exactly have the same goals as most human beings. Here are the facts. I have been foreclosed upon. I have some debt, although, probably not as much as most Americans boast. In my education I have managed to get my Associates, which is basically like saying "No really, I don't want this job." And all of this by 25. That doesn't even begin to touch the shit I experienced in my childhood but I may get to that. My most recent achievement is not nearly as taboo as it once was but there are definitely misconceptions about your character when you mention that you're divorced.
No, my family didn't shun me. Laugh all you want but being from the Bible Belt makes that a legitimate concern. My parents are divorced and though that doesn't out rightly imply that they should accept my own split it does allow a way for me to point out their inconsistencies if they don't. I wouldn't say that everyone has been as open as my family but there are bound to be a few.......uncomfortable situations when something of this nature occurs in someone's life. You spend time weaving your life together with someone else and then find that when you go to unwind it there are a magnitude of knots; a rash of collateral damage that you couldn't have anticipated.
I was married a month after I turned 18. My mom tells me now about things that I said when I told her about my decision. Those things were obvious warning signs which would inspire the current me slap old me right in the mouth. I won't repeat them because I just don't see that you need to know what was said. However, the fact remains, in May 2002, I was not ready to be married. It wasn't the fact that I thought I knew everything as most people might think. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do in any capacity. I was terrified. I had never really had any serious relationships prior to this one. In fact, most guys that I happened to be close to seemed content being my friend and talking with me about the girls they actually had crushes on.
I was and still am a very damaged person. In the 5th or 6th grade I got reprimanded for talking too quietly and had to write sentences. I had a couple of teachers try to "save" me by harassing me endlessly and making me a project. I was on the receiving end of many "I know you have so much better inside of you" "This is crap. Try harder" motivational speeches, when in most subjects I was doing just as well as the other kids while simultaneously dealing with a violently abusive home life. I used to get so nervous in crowds that I would break out into hives and feel faint. The summer before I started the 3rd grade my Mom had this panic attack that seemed very much like a heart attack. That school year I missed 72 days.
While I have moved on, my past has certainly engraved certain neurosis into my personality. I am somewhat better but I pretty much stick to myself. As for the me that I was when I got married, I was basically this neutral being in a lot of ways; without identity. I had a few things figured out but mostly I just knew I had to do something different or I was going to go insane.
So I got married.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Ladies Who Rock (While Keeping Their Clothes ON)
Ok. I'm sick of hearing myself gripe so I've been thinking about positive female role-models a lot and after a google search affirmed my suspicion that the pickins were slim, I decided to make a list of women that I respect a lot. This is my blog so if you don't like these ladies A. you're dumb B. go read a different blog. There are only like 3 people reading this anyway, so while you may annihilate a third of my fan base, the internet is still filling up with crap opinions. I'm sure you'll find one you like. Ok you're not dumb, that was mean. But this is my blog, so I will compile this list however I want. So, here we go. Also, this might get a tad long winded.
1. Samus Aran- Bane of Space Pirates
An image search for Samus Aran brings up an barrage of slutty, anime porn that do not remotely represent the main character of the Metroid series as she is portrayed in game. Ok, so, if you die your suit explodes off of your body which is just silly and she is wearing a bikini underneath so grumble grumble grumble... But, considering she started out as a tiny pixelated person, I can understand the limitations of accurately representing her as a female. Samus Aran is possibly one of the coolest characters around. She has a gun that is attached to her arm for which you receive a number of different upgrade. She can morph into a ball which originally came about because of the limitations of graphics. It was too difficult to show a cyborg crawling so why not turn into a ball! The game atmosphere and the fact that Samus ends up being a lady happened to be inspired by the film "Alien". The game creators worked diligently to make sure that Samus wasn't cheapened by being exploited in a sexual way and to me they were incredibly successful, especially in the face of games like "Final Fantasy X-2" and "Tomb Raider". I just finished Metroid Fusion and, forgive my nerd exposure for a moment but I have beaten some of the hardest bosses of my young life. Samus is an orphan found by one of the most adorable races of all time, the Chozo. While, according to Wikipedia, "her popularity among fans has helped her top several lists of the best video game heroines of all-time" I would say that she is more than worthy of being ranked in the top 5 on the coed lists as well. At 6'3 and 198lbs she is a big momma, an amazon, a kick ass ex employee of the GFP. (Galactic Federation Police) Her planet and family were destroyed by the Space Pirates. After her adoption by the Chozo she was infused with their DNA and trained to be a warrior. She was given her power suit which entwines with her body and mind and now she is a free lance bounty hunter. I wonder if she has to say she's self employed on her taxes?
2. Hatshepsut- Bane of failure
The 5th pharaoh of the 18th Dynasty of Ancient Egypt and considered the most successful of the female pharaohs, Hatshepsut became pharaoh 1479 BC and ruled for roughly 22 years. Managing to restore wealth to Egypt by revitalizing trade and also maintaining peace (even though it is said she was successful in her warfare early on in her reign) it seemed Hatshepsut was the muscle behind much growth and development. She was responsible for advancements in architecture among the Egyptian people that remained unrivaled for quite some time. She was also the best at producing and controlling her own PR, letting the people know of her accomplishments and keeping impeccable records (As the Egyptians often did. Just a side note here but do you think that should have become a negative stereo type eventually? Like employers harassing their secretaries, "Yeah she keeps records like she's Egyptian or something!" Nah probably not.) She dressed in a strange combination of clothing considered female while wearing the false beard, typically reserved for male pharaohs. Eventually, she would go on to adopt complete male dress. Within the meat of her story there is an incredible evolution of her power. There is much evidence to suggest that her rule was not as appreciated by her, very male and much less productive, successors. The line of Thutmose was slightly bitter because Thutmose III, whom at the time was the next male in line for the throne even though he was only considered royal by marriage, wasn't old enough to take over. Hathepsut, whose blood was purely royal, took the throne and acted as queen regent in conjunction with Thutmose III. She would go on to rule on her own without the restrictions of consulting the young, would be king and even went so far as to change some documents to suggest that she actually was male. After her death, images of her were chiseled off of walls, her body hidden and not placed within royal tombs. Isn't it interesting that Thutmose III would do that when he finally got control? Was she felled by some great conspiracy? Did Thutmose III have her killed because of her success? No. Actually, she died of an abscessed tooth that the doctors pulled. So, before the time of antibiotics and dental care, her life was ended. There's really so much more to go on about here but I have more ladies to talk about!
3. Sonja Blue- Bane of Vampires
Sonja Blue is the main character of many books by author Nancy A. Collins but my personal favorite is "A Dozen Black Roses." She is a vampire. She has an enchanted, pure silver, straight razor that has a dragon on the handle. She wears mirrored sunglasses all the time to hide her blood red eyes. She dresses like a bad ass. Ratty leather jacket, torn jeans, usually a punk band t-shirt, doc martens and her hair is described as "a tortured cockatoo's nest". I realize that this description reads as if it were written by Kevin from The Office but I am sincerely in awe by how simultaneously straight forward and complex this character is. Sonja Blue manages to exude a distinct sexuality without become trashy or cheap. These books are extremely sexual but they never fall prey to cheap thrills so apparent in the mass of terrible vampires stories flooding the market these days. Ms. Blue, a former socialite and at one time known as Denise Thorn, was transformed into a vampire against her will. Upon her blood rape she dedicates herself to a life of vampire slaying. She kills the bad guys and helps the good guys. It's pretty simple, except there is this thing inside of her that she simply refers to as "the other" that is constantly bargaining for a way to get control. It's sort of like a split personality. Occasionally, Sonja finds herself in a bad spot and the Other has a way of making problems disappear. Think of it as your little devil on the shoulder, only this little devil murders people indiscriminately when you black out.
4. Ruth Harkness- Bane of Floyd Tangier Smith
Similar to Sonja Blue, Ruth Harkness was, at one time, a social butterfly. (She wasn't a vampire though and she was actually a real lady.) She was an adventurer, philosopher, renegade and so much more. Married to Bill Harkness, an explorer who spent much of their short marriage in the field, Ruth took up Bill's journey when he died in Shanghai of throat cancer. She was the first person to bring back a baby giant panda, alive to the states to the disbelief of her rivals....well and everyone really. Even her friends were certain that she was insane and would inevitably end up dead in the jungle. I have recently been reading "The Lady and the Panda" and I sincerely recommend it. It talks about her expeditions to the east where she finally finds a place that feels somewhat like home. She is by far one of the most courageous women I have had the chance to read about. From Titusville, Pa she traveled with only 25$ to New York where she began a life as a dress maker. When she went on her journey several years later she had never been on an expedition much less planned and had no clue of what she was doing. A man by the name Floyd Tangier Smith tried to exploit her newness to the field and tried to talk her into hiring him to head up her expedition. The problem was, he was terrible at panda trapping. The panda's routinely died or something mysterious would befall his camp. He always had an excuse to explain his grocery list of failures. So many people condescended her, certain that she, a woman, a dress maker would not succeed and would probably just disappear. She did not however and managed to capture many panda's. After a time, however, she became disillusioned and couldn't stand the idea of taking another panda from the jungle. During this time she had, in her possession, a very lively, hell raising, baby panda that she took back to the place it had been found set it free. Floyd Tangier Smith became very upset at Ruth Harkness as did many of the men that were involved with her expeditions even though she always spoke of them kindly and with great diplomacy. After finishing the book it seems to me that they all became very jealous of the spotlight that she attracted without even trying. Hunting clubs would often invite her to bring the panda, which she carried around like a baby, and they always insisted very publicly that the panda was in the ONLY guest of honor. They didn't even address her with questions while she was there but asked the panda directly. She was an outcast in a lot of ways, with a wandering spirit and she only experienced fleeting moments of peace.
5. Joycelyn Elders- Bane of Christians and Fundamentalist Pro-Lifers
SO awhile back I watched "Lake of Fire" and aside from the slight melodrama present in many documentary style films it really does a good job of showing several different views on the abortion issue. There's some footage of a speech given by the Surgeon General under the Clinton administration, Joycelyn Elders. She is most famous for her supposed interest in masturbation. Well, that's what everyone was saying anyway. She was actually just a woman with a lot of common sense. She was in favor of educating the public and preventing unwanted pregnancies by the use of condoms and birth control. As a passing comment she encouraged masturbation considering the safety of it and people couldn't seem to let that go. One thing she said was, "We're sexual beings from the time we're born until we die, and we need to make sure we understand our sexuality and realize that sex is about more than procreation." We all know how dangerous rationality can be for someone involved with politics. Eventually, she was fired. I personally am Pro-choice but not because I want to kill babies, which if you speak to most pro-choice people they will agree with this sentiment. As a side note, I find it funny that the same people who scream about being staunchly pro-life are the same people screaming about how the government is going to take away their arsenal of rifles because that's in the Constitution. Well, so is the right to choose so get the fuck over it. Anyway, Joycelyn Elders. Here are a few more of her quotes. On people who say condoms aren't 100% reliable: "Condoms will break, but I can sure you that vows of abstinence will break more easily than condoms." "I want every child that's born in the world to be planned and wanted." On why we should be focused on promoting contraception: "I never knew a woman who needed an abortion who wasn't already pregnant. Let's get real." “If I could make any changes at all to the current health care system, you know I would start with education, education, education. You can't educate people that are not healthy. But you certainly can't keep them healthy if they're not educated.” Read about this woman. She will rock your world.
6. Tank Girl-Bane of Water and Power
Ok. It's was difficult to decide whether or not to put her on here because she is almost always next to naked. However, considering she's a comic book character and she was drawn by a dude I feel that it's totally not her fault and thus should not discount her from my list. Also, she never seems to be exploiting her nudity in that good old fashioned Lady Gaga sort of way. Instead she just seems completely crazy. A personally decorated tank serves as a house/vehicle combo in post apocalyptic-Australia, where water is scarce and most of the world is desert. While I was researching her I found out that apparently when she was a baby her first words were "cauliflower penis". She has a mutated kangaroo for a boyfriend. He follows her around like a puppy but when duty calls he is a fighting machine. Also, his name is Booger. So yeah, she's a little hard to describe. It was a British based comic and then a fun movie and you can even find a complete "herstory" on Tank Girl. Tank Girl is extremely 90's so the tone is very light-hearted. If you don't want the commitment of comics then watch the movie because it's funny, there's a big musical number and lots of booger jokes.
7. Samantha (The German Shepard from "I am Legend") Bane of Loneliness for Robert Neville
You may say, "But this is a puppy dog! How can a puppy dog count on a list of Ladies that Rock (While Keeping their Clothes ON)?" To that I respond, First off, a dog can totally be a lady. Second as long as Megan Fox is considered an actress, Samantha counts. Samantha is beautiful and has not, as far as I'm aware, auditioned for anything by washing Michael Bay's car in a bikini. Facts being what they are, my respect level for her is velry high. I was watching this movie and the whole time I just assumed she was a male dog. Then he calls her Samantha and I was shocked. Of course she was a she. Why not? How I love the androgyny of some animals. (Let's also say here that the book is way different from the movie but I may have been one of 5 people that liked it. Aside from drooling middle America. They'll take anything they can get. Example: Transformers 1 and 2 and anything made by Kevin Smith.) I'm a big sucker for animals in pretty much any respect but Sam is strong and she has manners. She is definitely a lady that deserves to be on this list. Although, I guess since she is only wearing a collar she is sort of naked.....hmm
So that pretty much sums it up. I'm still adding to my list but I think this is a good start. Also, fuck Dido.
1. Samus Aran- Bane of Space Pirates
An image search for Samus Aran brings up an barrage of slutty, anime porn that do not remotely represent the main character of the Metroid series as she is portrayed in game. Ok, so, if you die your suit explodes off of your body which is just silly and she is wearing a bikini underneath so grumble grumble grumble... But, considering she started out as a tiny pixelated person, I can understand the limitations of accurately representing her as a female. Samus Aran is possibly one of the coolest characters around. She has a gun that is attached to her arm for which you receive a number of different upgrade. She can morph into a ball which originally came about because of the limitations of graphics. It was too difficult to show a cyborg crawling so why not turn into a ball! The game atmosphere and the fact that Samus ends up being a lady happened to be inspired by the film "Alien". The game creators worked diligently to make sure that Samus wasn't cheapened by being exploited in a sexual way and to me they were incredibly successful, especially in the face of games like "Final Fantasy X-2" and "Tomb Raider". I just finished Metroid Fusion and, forgive my nerd exposure for a moment but I have beaten some of the hardest bosses of my young life. Samus is an orphan found by one of the most adorable races of all time, the Chozo. While, according to Wikipedia, "her popularity among fans has helped her top several lists of the best video game heroines of all-time" I would say that she is more than worthy of being ranked in the top 5 on the coed lists as well. At 6'3 and 198lbs she is a big momma, an amazon, a kick ass ex employee of the GFP. (Galactic Federation Police) Her planet and family were destroyed by the Space Pirates. After her adoption by the Chozo she was infused with their DNA and trained to be a warrior. She was given her power suit which entwines with her body and mind and now she is a free lance bounty hunter. I wonder if she has to say she's self employed on her taxes?
2. Hatshepsut- Bane of failure
The 5th pharaoh of the 18th Dynasty of Ancient Egypt and considered the most successful of the female pharaohs, Hatshepsut became pharaoh 1479 BC and ruled for roughly 22 years. Managing to restore wealth to Egypt by revitalizing trade and also maintaining peace (even though it is said she was successful in her warfare early on in her reign) it seemed Hatshepsut was the muscle behind much growth and development. She was responsible for advancements in architecture among the Egyptian people that remained unrivaled for quite some time. She was also the best at producing and controlling her own PR, letting the people know of her accomplishments and keeping impeccable records (As the Egyptians often did. Just a side note here but do you think that should have become a negative stereo type eventually? Like employers harassing their secretaries, "Yeah she keeps records like she's Egyptian or something!" Nah probably not.) She dressed in a strange combination of clothing considered female while wearing the false beard, typically reserved for male pharaohs. Eventually, she would go on to adopt complete male dress. Within the meat of her story there is an incredible evolution of her power. There is much evidence to suggest that her rule was not as appreciated by her, very male and much less productive, successors. The line of Thutmose was slightly bitter because Thutmose III, whom at the time was the next male in line for the throne even though he was only considered royal by marriage, wasn't old enough to take over. Hathepsut, whose blood was purely royal, took the throne and acted as queen regent in conjunction with Thutmose III. She would go on to rule on her own without the restrictions of consulting the young, would be king and even went so far as to change some documents to suggest that she actually was male. After her death, images of her were chiseled off of walls, her body hidden and not placed within royal tombs. Isn't it interesting that Thutmose III would do that when he finally got control? Was she felled by some great conspiracy? Did Thutmose III have her killed because of her success? No. Actually, she died of an abscessed tooth that the doctors pulled. So, before the time of antibiotics and dental care, her life was ended. There's really so much more to go on about here but I have more ladies to talk about!
3. Sonja Blue- Bane of Vampires
Sonja Blue is the main character of many books by author Nancy A. Collins but my personal favorite is "A Dozen Black Roses." She is a vampire. She has an enchanted, pure silver, straight razor that has a dragon on the handle. She wears mirrored sunglasses all the time to hide her blood red eyes. She dresses like a bad ass. Ratty leather jacket, torn jeans, usually a punk band t-shirt, doc martens and her hair is described as "a tortured cockatoo's nest". I realize that this description reads as if it were written by Kevin from The Office but I am sincerely in awe by how simultaneously straight forward and complex this character is. Sonja Blue manages to exude a distinct sexuality without become trashy or cheap. These books are extremely sexual but they never fall prey to cheap thrills so apparent in the mass of terrible vampires stories flooding the market these days. Ms. Blue, a former socialite and at one time known as Denise Thorn, was transformed into a vampire against her will. Upon her blood rape she dedicates herself to a life of vampire slaying. She kills the bad guys and helps the good guys. It's pretty simple, except there is this thing inside of her that she simply refers to as "the other" that is constantly bargaining for a way to get control. It's sort of like a split personality. Occasionally, Sonja finds herself in a bad spot and the Other has a way of making problems disappear. Think of it as your little devil on the shoulder, only this little devil murders people indiscriminately when you black out.
4. Ruth Harkness- Bane of Floyd Tangier Smith
Similar to Sonja Blue, Ruth Harkness was, at one time, a social butterfly. (She wasn't a vampire though and she was actually a real lady.) She was an adventurer, philosopher, renegade and so much more. Married to Bill Harkness, an explorer who spent much of their short marriage in the field, Ruth took up Bill's journey when he died in Shanghai of throat cancer. She was the first person to bring back a baby giant panda, alive to the states to the disbelief of her rivals....well and everyone really. Even her friends were certain that she was insane and would inevitably end up dead in the jungle. I have recently been reading "The Lady and the Panda" and I sincerely recommend it. It talks about her expeditions to the east where she finally finds a place that feels somewhat like home. She is by far one of the most courageous women I have had the chance to read about. From Titusville, Pa she traveled with only 25$ to New York where she began a life as a dress maker. When she went on her journey several years later she had never been on an expedition much less planned and had no clue of what she was doing. A man by the name Floyd Tangier Smith tried to exploit her newness to the field and tried to talk her into hiring him to head up her expedition. The problem was, he was terrible at panda trapping. The panda's routinely died or something mysterious would befall his camp. He always had an excuse to explain his grocery list of failures. So many people condescended her, certain that she, a woman, a dress maker would not succeed and would probably just disappear. She did not however and managed to capture many panda's. After a time, however, she became disillusioned and couldn't stand the idea of taking another panda from the jungle. During this time she had, in her possession, a very lively, hell raising, baby panda that she took back to the place it had been found set it free. Floyd Tangier Smith became very upset at Ruth Harkness as did many of the men that were involved with her expeditions even though she always spoke of them kindly and with great diplomacy. After finishing the book it seems to me that they all became very jealous of the spotlight that she attracted without even trying. Hunting clubs would often invite her to bring the panda, which she carried around like a baby, and they always insisted very publicly that the panda was in the ONLY guest of honor. They didn't even address her with questions while she was there but asked the panda directly. She was an outcast in a lot of ways, with a wandering spirit and she only experienced fleeting moments of peace.
5. Joycelyn Elders- Bane of Christians and Fundamentalist Pro-Lifers
SO awhile back I watched "Lake of Fire" and aside from the slight melodrama present in many documentary style films it really does a good job of showing several different views on the abortion issue. There's some footage of a speech given by the Surgeon General under the Clinton administration, Joycelyn Elders. She is most famous for her supposed interest in masturbation. Well, that's what everyone was saying anyway. She was actually just a woman with a lot of common sense. She was in favor of educating the public and preventing unwanted pregnancies by the use of condoms and birth control. As a passing comment she encouraged masturbation considering the safety of it and people couldn't seem to let that go. One thing she said was, "We're sexual beings from the time we're born until we die, and we need to make sure we understand our sexuality and realize that sex is about more than procreation." We all know how dangerous rationality can be for someone involved with politics. Eventually, she was fired. I personally am Pro-choice but not because I want to kill babies, which if you speak to most pro-choice people they will agree with this sentiment. As a side note, I find it funny that the same people who scream about being staunchly pro-life are the same people screaming about how the government is going to take away their arsenal of rifles because that's in the Constitution. Well, so is the right to choose so get the fuck over it. Anyway, Joycelyn Elders. Here are a few more of her quotes. On people who say condoms aren't 100% reliable: "Condoms will break, but I can sure you that vows of abstinence will break more easily than condoms." "I want every child that's born in the world to be planned and wanted." On why we should be focused on promoting contraception: "I never knew a woman who needed an abortion who wasn't already pregnant. Let's get real." “If I could make any changes at all to the current health care system, you know I would start with education, education, education. You can't educate people that are not healthy. But you certainly can't keep them healthy if they're not educated.” Read about this woman. She will rock your world.
6. Tank Girl-Bane of Water and Power
Ok. It's was difficult to decide whether or not to put her on here because she is almost always next to naked. However, considering she's a comic book character and she was drawn by a dude I feel that it's totally not her fault and thus should not discount her from my list. Also, she never seems to be exploiting her nudity in that good old fashioned Lady Gaga sort of way. Instead she just seems completely crazy. A personally decorated tank serves as a house/vehicle combo in post apocalyptic-Australia, where water is scarce and most of the world is desert. While I was researching her I found out that apparently when she was a baby her first words were "cauliflower penis". She has a mutated kangaroo for a boyfriend. He follows her around like a puppy but when duty calls he is a fighting machine. Also, his name is Booger. So yeah, she's a little hard to describe. It was a British based comic and then a fun movie and you can even find a complete "herstory" on Tank Girl. Tank Girl is extremely 90's so the tone is very light-hearted. If you don't want the commitment of comics then watch the movie because it's funny, there's a big musical number and lots of booger jokes.
7. Samantha (The German Shepard from "I am Legend") Bane of Loneliness for Robert Neville
You may say, "But this is a puppy dog! How can a puppy dog count on a list of Ladies that Rock (While Keeping their Clothes ON)?" To that I respond, First off, a dog can totally be a lady. Second as long as Megan Fox is considered an actress, Samantha counts. Samantha is beautiful and has not, as far as I'm aware, auditioned for anything by washing Michael Bay's car in a bikini. Facts being what they are, my respect level for her is velry high. I was watching this movie and the whole time I just assumed she was a male dog. Then he calls her Samantha and I was shocked. Of course she was a she. Why not? How I love the androgyny of some animals. (Let's also say here that the book is way different from the movie but I may have been one of 5 people that liked it. Aside from drooling middle America. They'll take anything they can get. Example: Transformers 1 and 2 and anything made by Kevin Smith.) I'm a big sucker for animals in pretty much any respect but Sam is strong and she has manners. She is definitely a lady that deserves to be on this list. Although, I guess since she is only wearing a collar she is sort of naked.....hmm
So that pretty much sums it up. I'm still adding to my list but I think this is a good start. Also, fuck Dido.
Monday, September 7, 2009
What is wrong with me?
I seem to have fallen into a crack that I cannot get out of. There never seems to be a place for me, a niche, in many aspects of my life and it makes me wish I had, at one time, possessed the foresight to find something and run with it. Most people I knew just pointed at a title in a catalog and that is how they chose their majors for college. I went through that song and dance of college prep in high school but I so SO wish that I had gone the vocational route. Now especially.
I have found out many things about myself but when the bank account is nonexistent what does character count for? In my personality, I may have found some outlets to accomplish a sort of field experience but in my professional life I am a failure. This week I have applied at several fast food establishments and for many reasons (mostly the ones having to do with my tummy growling incessantly) am excited to hear back from them, any of them. Can't wait to get my McLife back on track. Up to this point I have distributed between 100 and 150 resumes and applications. I am beyond hope today. The highlight of my days is the random stray cat that I coax into spending a few minutes with me. Oh, and the fact that it only costs a few bucks to make a cake with the whipped frosting (and also the day that I beat Metroid Fusion). Those things help a bit. However, currently, I'm having a hard time writing and even concentrating in general. I just now noticed that I have comments on my blog and wow, I feel dumb. One of them was from the end of August.
It just seems that I have skills but apparently not the right skills. I know things, but they aren't the right things. I've been places but, you guessed it, not the right places. I have gone into so many places and watched drooling, slack-jawed middle America get fatter while I eat out of a surplus-sized box of rice until some kind of miracle comes along. Why do we even bother digging ourselves into debt just to get those pieces of paper that say we are, in fact, qualified to say things about a specific subject? Because, the employers say that we have to or we will starve. They also believe that someone my age should have only worked one job, have 8 years experience and have a Bachelors Degree to qualify for part time work. I don't even know how that's physically possible. Perhaps I am just that unorganized.
Personally, I have an Associates Degree, 5 years experience teaching group exercise, a foreclosure and a divorce on my tab and I'm only 25. I've also lived without running water and electricity. I don't know many people my age can say the same. I don't really feel like whining even though this post seems to communicate the opposite. I guess I'll just find a way to make this better. I have no idea how but even with all of my toxicity I can still dream. This is not to say that there will never be nightmares. My dreams are fantastical and I can realize that it takes a certain timeline to figure these things out. Also, it would be nice to have a little direction.
I have found out many things about myself but when the bank account is nonexistent what does character count for? In my personality, I may have found some outlets to accomplish a sort of field experience but in my professional life I am a failure. This week I have applied at several fast food establishments and for many reasons (mostly the ones having to do with my tummy growling incessantly) am excited to hear back from them, any of them. Can't wait to get my McLife back on track. Up to this point I have distributed between 100 and 150 resumes and applications. I am beyond hope today. The highlight of my days is the random stray cat that I coax into spending a few minutes with me. Oh, and the fact that it only costs a few bucks to make a cake with the whipped frosting (and also the day that I beat Metroid Fusion). Those things help a bit. However, currently, I'm having a hard time writing and even concentrating in general. I just now noticed that I have comments on my blog and wow, I feel dumb. One of them was from the end of August.
It just seems that I have skills but apparently not the right skills. I know things, but they aren't the right things. I've been places but, you guessed it, not the right places. I have gone into so many places and watched drooling, slack-jawed middle America get fatter while I eat out of a surplus-sized box of rice until some kind of miracle comes along. Why do we even bother digging ourselves into debt just to get those pieces of paper that say we are, in fact, qualified to say things about a specific subject? Because, the employers say that we have to or we will starve. They also believe that someone my age should have only worked one job, have 8 years experience and have a Bachelors Degree to qualify for part time work. I don't even know how that's physically possible. Perhaps I am just that unorganized.
Personally, I have an Associates Degree, 5 years experience teaching group exercise, a foreclosure and a divorce on my tab and I'm only 25. I've also lived without running water and electricity. I don't know many people my age can say the same. I don't really feel like whining even though this post seems to communicate the opposite. I guess I'll just find a way to make this better. I have no idea how but even with all of my toxicity I can still dream. This is not to say that there will never be nightmares. My dreams are fantastical and I can realize that it takes a certain timeline to figure these things out. Also, it would be nice to have a little direction.
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