10 Reasons Why Eddie Izzard should adopt me...

10. I am cute. No way around it I just am. (And no, cute is not a euphemism for whore-y. I am an intelligent woman who just happens to be adorable.)

9. I have a distinct "positive male role model" void in my life that seems to have Eddie Izzard's exact measurements. Weird.

8. I am 25, so emotionally mature, yet I'm quite small. This has three advantages: 1. I can fit into small spaces 2. I don't eat much 3. We can totally share clothes. I have this awesome prom dress that I just found for 4$ at a thrift store. (Think goth Marla Singer from Fight Club.) I haven't worn it out yet. You can have the test drive Mr. Izzard.

7. I taught kick boxing for 5 years. I don't really know how that applies here but I suppose if we were going to tally up my personality traits into a list of some sort, I would like it to be on there. How would it be, to basically have an on staff Ninja? You tell me. (Also on that list I would like to add: Can cook really well, on that same note, has a highly developed set of household skills, can touch tongue to nose without cheating and using my fingers, and has a high tolerance for any kind of alcohol that isn't wine based. These are all positives in my book and I would like to submit them for consideration.)

6. I am probably the least whiny person you will ever meet.
(Barring of course being sick or very, very sleepy. I don't think there's a person alive who isn't at least a little whiny at these times.)

5. I will always let you pick the movies at the rental place.
(This is a very big thing for me. I don't like chick flicks, I have seen enough action movies to make even the most testosterone spewing meat head blush and I am not interested in any films that have the word "movie" in the title. For example: Scary Movie, Disaster Movie etc. I do however, have a feeling that our film tastes will be fairly harmonious.)

4. My uncle was a transvestite and I never got to know him. For whatever reason (I'm pretty sure I know the reason and it had to do with living in a small, bigoted, ignorant town.), I never got to see him as much as my other family. So.....if Mr. Izzard were so inclined to he could adopt and be my uncle! That is not creepy in the least! Everyone's doing it! People won't think your cool if you don't!

3. I am American; born and raised, which in our current international climate is akin to saying that I was born with a sign on my back that says "I'm a giant douchebag. Please hate me." So, I just need some pointers on how to get out and see other countries without getting murdered. What better way than to just adopt me and take me with you, yes???

2. I have a great desire to learn French. Since, Mr. Izzard speaks French fluently and happens to be in the top 3 of my "People-I-would-Like-to-Eventually-Meet-Someday list, can you tell me where I could find a better teacher?? Two of my birds with one stone. Also, since I'm never going to meet Bruce Lee, someone owes me.

1. I am a huge fan. Not the scary, wear your skin, type fan but just the normal "Hi, how are you?" type fan.

In all seriousness, it would be really cool to get the chance to meet Eddie Izzard at some point. A lot of my friends have met him and I feel like I sort of came into the room just as he left and no one said a word. Hopefully, I will at the very least, get the chance to catch one of his shows the next time he hits the Pacific North West. Since there's probably no chance of him adopting me, regardless of my flawless, rational, completely sane arguments.