What is wrong with me?

I seem to have fallen into a crack that I cannot get out of. There never seems to be a place for me, a niche, in many aspects of my life and it makes me wish I had, at one time, possessed the foresight to find something and run with it. Most people I knew just pointed at a title in a catalog and that is how they chose their majors for college. I went through that song and dance of college prep in high school but I so SO wish that I had gone the vocational route. Now especially.

I have found out many things about myself but when the bank account is nonexistent what does character count for? In my personality, I may have found some outlets to accomplish a sort of field experience but in my professional life I am a failure. This week I have applied at several fast food establishments and for many reasons (mostly the ones having to do with my tummy growling incessantly) am excited to hear back from them, any of them. Can't wait to get my McLife back on track. Up to this point I have distributed between 100 and 150 resumes and applications. I am beyond hope today. The highlight of my days is the random stray cat that I coax into spending a few minutes with me. Oh, and the fact that it only costs a few bucks to make a cake with the whipped frosting (and also the day that I beat Metroid Fusion). Those things help a bit. However, currently, I'm having a hard time writing and even concentrating in general. I just now noticed that I have comments on my blog and wow, I feel dumb. One of them was from the end of August.

It just seems that I have skills but apparently not the right skills. I know things, but they aren't the right things. I've been places but, you guessed it, not the right places. I have gone into so many places and watched drooling, slack-jawed middle America get fatter while I eat out of a surplus-sized box of rice until some kind of miracle comes along. Why do we even bother digging ourselves into debt just to get those pieces of paper that say we are, in fact, qualified to say things about a specific subject? Because, the employers say that we have to or we will starve. They also believe that someone my age should have only worked one job, have 8 years experience and have a Bachelors Degree to qualify for part time work. I don't even know how that's physically possible. Perhaps I am just that unorganized.

Personally, I have an Associates Degree, 5 years experience teaching group exercise, a foreclosure and a divorce on my tab and I'm only 25. I've also lived without running water and electricity. I don't know many people my age can say the same. I don't really feel like whining even though this post seems to communicate the opposite. I guess I'll just find a way to make this better. I have no idea how but even with all of my toxicity I can still dream. This is not to say that there will never be nightmares. My dreams are fantastical and I can realize that it takes a certain timeline to figure these things out. Also, it would be nice to have a little direction.